From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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