Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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