sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
