Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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