in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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