the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
