we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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