Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
