first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
