Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
