I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
