alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
