I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
