Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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