just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
