I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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