and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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