Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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