I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
