I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
