Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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