i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
