bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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