Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
