If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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