when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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