I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
