Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
