Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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