$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
