Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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