It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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