Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
