Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
