3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
