It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
