I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
