i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
