I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You can't motorboat a personality
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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