So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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