The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am available for nakedness
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
