nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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