I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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