shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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