I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
