They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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