Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
there is glitter all over my balls
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