So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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