Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
