i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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