He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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