Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
