Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
