Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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