I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My balls are so social today.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
