You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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