I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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