i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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