I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
