got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
