making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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