She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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