??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
