I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
