So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
