when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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