Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
