i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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