I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
