So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
