i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
