During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
