The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
