I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
