A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
