I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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