Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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